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Marv |
As he readies to graduate from Phase III of the New Life program at The Crossing, resident Marv shares the story of his long battle with alcoholism, and the vision he has now for starting over. The story of Marv’s long struggle with addiction is riddled with starts and stops. “I’ve had a problem with alcohol for many years,” he begins. “It seemed like I did okay for a while,” he recalls, “and then I’d walk away… I’d take it upon myself again that I could do this alone. I would drink for three days straight and lose my job, and of course my apartment and whatever I had. I kept getting in that pattern.” When Marv was homeless, he traded the dangers of the city streets for rough living in the wild. He describes himself as an outdoorsman. “I just didn’t like the city,” he says. “I was more afraid of what was going on in the streets than I was out in the woods. I just felt more comfortable out in nature.” He spent much of his time homeless living along river bottoms in the countryside near his Midwestern hometown. “Probably three times, at least, I stayed out there from five to nine months,” he explains, “living on catfish, bullfrog legs, wild mushrooms, stuff like that.” Marv’s futile pattern of gaining and then losing sobriety, a good job, and housing went on for years. He lost everything due to his intense alcoholic binges. “I lost some very good jobs because of drinking,” he admits. “I burned a lot of bridges.” His marriage of 16 years ended with divorce, and relationships with his family have been badly damaged. “They would rather let me live out along the river,” he says, “than take me back.” The worst part for Marv was that he realized what he was doing. Haunted by doubt, his self-image plummeted. “I was telling myself, ‘I don’t even know if I know myself;’ telling myself, ‘Why do you keep doing these things? You are basically a good person but you keep defeating yourself;’ telling myself, ‘You’re not worthy.’” “So it was a continual downward spiral.” Marv was unemployed and living in a motel the last time he relapsed. There he was robbed of everything he had except the clothes on his back. ” Everything,” he emphasizes. “And that put me back on the streets.” Desperate, he began looking for help. Now 47 years old, he first entered a rehabilitation program in 1985, and has been through several more since, before turning to the Mission’s New Life program. “Through a month of prayer and meditation and talking to people, I decided to come here. I decided to come here because of everything they had to offer. It wasn’t just about fixing one area [of my life]; it was about getting everything back in shape.” The scope of the New Life program and its Christian foundation were the basis for his decision to come to the Mission. He says, “I wanted to start getting my life in order and rebuild it with Jesus—start letting him lead me instead of me making all my decisions, which obviously weren’t always the right ones.” “I came here because I wanted to get back on track.” Marv considers the program’s introduction his toughest challenge so far. “When you first come in, you basically are working. I struggled with that. But as I stuck through it, I learned that that might have been some of my problem in my past. That was kind of an eye-opener.” He elaborates, “I thought, ‘Well, gee, I’m a good worker—so let me go to class.’ But really, I think it built more character.” “Testing my faith, my patience, how badly I want to change.” Counseling, one of five integral components of the New Life program, made a tremendous difference in Marv’s experience. He describes his revelations, “When I look at it, we get down to some issues I never even considered were a problem with my childhood. You can definitely see a correlation between where I’m at now and when I was younger.” He goes on, “I can actually have an hour with someone, and a group too—groups are good. It dug into my past, as to why. Why did I turn to alcohol? One thing I learned is that I can’t take back the way I was, but I can change from now on. I can mature and grow from that, and not dwell in the past.” Marv credits the program’s multifaceted approach for his positive outlook. “Really it’s the whole overview,” he says. “Everything tied together was what brought me to where I’m at today.” The educational and vocational tools and assistance available to program participants is highly important to Marv, but he also emphasizes, “I think I will walk away with some insight to myself: knowing why I did the things I did, and knowing what to do now to not allow that to happen. I have a basis to work from.” “I just think as a whole it has helped me.” Marv reflects on his experience in the program, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of or been any place—somewhere that you’ve never been—and in the process you can learn more about yourself, get closer to the Lord, make a whole lot of new, clean friends, and just feel comfortable, like you belong. I have whole lot of new friends now who are trying to do the same things that I am. That’s great. I’ve been a loner. That’s part of my problem. Where else could you go where you could start over with such compassion, such care about you personally? I don’t know where you can do that. Wherever you’re from, that’s a huge step—coming in here and stepping away from anything or everything you knew. People don’t like change. Who really wants to get down and look at themselves? I don’t know of too many people that really enjoy doing that, or want to change when they do find out. You may think you’re willing to, but it’s not as easy [as that]. It does take that faith, and guidance.” Marv is currently pursuing certification as a personal trainer, a vocation he has enjoyed in the past. His five year plan includes working full-time and saving for a house in Colorado. “I would like to see myself finally owning a house— or at least having the money saved—and the security of not just a job, but a career. My vision,” he says, “is to continue with my schooling, to possibly open my own business with it, build my money, get hooked into the church, and start my own service taking church groups out hiking and fishing—like men’s groups.” “I’m excited about it.” To Marv and all New Life residents: we hope and pray for perseverance
as you complete the program, and for successful transition back into
the community. *Marv's story appears in the June 2005 issue of The Chronicle. Click to donate and start "Changing Lives in the Name of Christ" |
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